I SHOULD HAVE SAID BOMB ON THE AIRPLANE

It was like any other Monday morning at work, I was trying to fill the obligatory two hours of faffing before I actually began work of any sort. That was when my consort, (hereafter referred to as Aki, to protect her identity) squealed that Aero Contractors was running a 5 day promo to celebrate their 50th anniversary (so why do airplanes still seem like a modern achievement if they had been around for that long?), 5 grand on all domestic routes. Being the typical Nigerian lover of all things awoof (freebies or well in this case giveaway!) I quickly proceeded to make a booking for a return ticket to PH (I live in Lagos btw) a booking that I managed to complete on Friday! That should have been the first sign that this promotional ticket did not feature in my destiny but the power of awoof propelled me on. On Friday I continued with my booking and then the second sign! After I had chosen my flight dates (to coincide with my nephew’s birthday weekend) I supplied my personal details and navigated to the payment page. I decided to pay via Interswitch using my ATM card and patiently waited for my confirmation email with my booking reference and so it began. The confirmation page simply refused to open and I had no booking reference. I didn’t begin to panic till I confirmed that my account had indeed been debited. Yes, I know it’s just 10 grand but seeing as I’m neither Aliko Dangote’s secret lovechild nor do I intend to discover the cure for cancer anytime soon, my 10 grand meant a lot to me (I could get a nice bag with that or some ASOS shoes that I could lock in my closet only bringing them out for the occasional worship session. PS: I LOVE BAGS AND SHOES)

My evil colleagues (the Cooperatives as I call them due to the occasional contribution funds for a sarnie and tea break) had begun to enjoy my moment of horror. I heard things such as “awoof dey run belle” “No free lunch in Freetown” Still I refused to despair and went into Operation recover my 10 grand!!!! I called every number on the Aero website including 7,000 till I realized that was just a promotional fare price, all to no avail. The 10 grand stealers were not picking their over 10 lines. I tried 0700 FLY AERO and got to listen to those horrible automated voices that seemed to enjoy the misery of ur waiting, the stupid baritone voice kept asking me to hold for the next available agent, and that my call was important to them, till I ran out of call credit. It was getting very expensive trying to retrieve my beloved 10 grand. I sent an email, all to no avail. Then on Friday a friend was coming into Lagos from Enugu and kindly helped me sort it out at MMA2.

I was so relieved, but as they say in Nollywood “THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING- WATCH OUT FOR PART 2 OF I SHOULD HAVE SAID “BOMB” ON THE AIRPLANE.” COMING SOON. GRAB YA COPY NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!

BLOG OR DIE

Okay, I’ve managed to put this off for so long now but here it is, my first blog. This is going to be a completely self-centered rant about my life so if you were looking for an in-depth discussion on politics or philosophy you may as well save yourself the disappointment now. This here is everything I stand against, I hate self obsessed people but here I am ranting about my life. Well, at least I have a justification, because maybe if I don’t do this I'll just drop dead from pent up frustrations about all the things that are inside me struggling to find their way out, and then when I get to heaven’s gate I would meet St Paul (or is it Gabriel) and he would look so sad and say “Such a young girl, if only you’d discovered blogspot.” I am very sarcastic, that’s one other thing you might want to get used to, I think it’s an offshoot of the frustration. Sometimes I take stock of my 23 years( make that 24, a few months to go) on Planet Earth and I think ‘Hmn, not bad!’ Other times I sigh and wonder why the ‘bad girls’ are the ones who got ahead and I’m stuck in this life that is surely not my own.

Is it just me? Am I asking for too much? Am I too young to have a good job that I love, drive a car that I bought with my hard earned money and live in a nice flat? Okay I’ll answer that one myself, I possibly am, considering the fact that I just finished school this year and I’m currently a “corper” serving my nation. Still it doesn’t stop me wanting all of those things. I live with my sister and her family in a really nice estate and I get the whole ‘aren’t u lucky thing’. Thing is I don’t feel lucky, not all the time, there are times I wouldn’t mind living in a one room face-me-i-face-you in Ajegunle (ok Maybe not Aj) as long as it’s all mine.

My point is that I can’t wait to come into my own person, and get to that place where my next step does not depend on one person or the other. See, I can already hear all the advice you have for me cos I’ve said it to other people and sometimes even to my own self, the benefits of delayed gratification and all, if I have it all now there’s nothing to look forward to. I’m just sick and tired of living by someone else’s rules which I have to “as long as you’re under my roof” I just want to come into my own person, have a house I furnished by myself, picked out the colours . I want to lock up when I leave for work in the morning, stop off at the market on my way back home so I can pick up stuff for dinner, have friends over whenever I want, get to call the plumber cos there’s a leak in the kitchen or struggle to put on my ‘I better pass my neighbour generator’ I want o get a chance to do all of those things. I am not one of those girls that want to go from Mama’s house to Baby’s house if you catch my drift. I am not worried about the fact that I do not have a boyfriend(okay let me rephrase that) I am not worried about the fact that I do not have a husband nor am I engaged but I do occasionally worry that I do not have a boyfriend or that I will never find one that will love me in the way that I have been loved before and in a way still loved (that is a story for another day) I don’t think marriage is the logical next step after school and all that, I don’t think you get married because you feel it should come next or you’re getting too old, you get married because you meet someone that makes you want to get married and all the trappings that come with it. Waking up next to each other for the rest of your lives, how can I think of marriage when I’m still the grumpiest morning person I know, I have to meet someone that makes me look forward to morning every night as I sleep. Someone I can stand to kiss despite the morning breath and I had someone like that once upon a time (like I said story for another day)

So these are the things that frustrate me, I want my privacy, I want money, I want a boyfriend and yes in that order! When I think of more I’ll be back, like I said you could have saved urself the disappointment.