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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dedicated to Blogsville

Hello good people, i know its been ages and some of u are justified if u've forgotten who i am. I can't really explain my absence, its not like i made a conscious decision to stop blogging, neither is it because i have nothing to say. I just stopped, I even thought I had 'outgrown' this blog so I started a new one where i'm not anonymous but i haven't been dilligent with that as well.

Anyway I'm here now and i dont know if I'm back for good, but this morning i got up and started to read my old posts, trying to figure out where my head was at this time last year. On paper a lot has changed, i feel like i have changed but sometimes i feel like nothing has changed.

I made a promise a while back, that if i finished my masters with a distinction, i'd dedicate it to the good people of blogsville. Well consider this my dedication cos i did! I dont know how it happened and one month later I'm still in shock, i check the results page often just to be sure they didnt make a mistake :) I just want to say a big thank you to all of you, you're beyond special. These "strangers" who have touched my life in a way that I will never forget. I remember how some of you encouraged me and sent me well wishes, and how it never seemed perfunctory. So this is me saying a very big THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

In other news, i'm back in Nigeria. Was it always this hot? Or have our sins become so much that hell has decided to come to us. Kai. Its good to be back, to eat homegrown food in the proper way. So much has happened since I last blogged and if I decide to do a post it'd morph into an autobiography so i'll just take it from here with subtle references to the past when necessary.

In still other news, how've y'all been?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Search for Moneybags; When Golddigging is essential

I have decided to shun my 15k word dissertation for some therapeutic cleansing, basically i am going to present my argument for gold digging and will welcome rebuttals or otherwise. For years we have been taught that gold digging is bad, marrying for money is a vice and should be frowned upon. Now i'm going to sell the other side to you the case of the proverbial gold digger....

She defines the word beautiful, oozes confidence and sex appeal like larva from an angry volcano, she smiles like she knows your secrets and she makes you feel like Poseidon in the midst of a tsunami. The only thing is you're 75, bald, missing a couple of teeth, own 50% stock of the Viagra brand and sometimes can't remember her name and still she wants you. What could it be about you that she seems to love so much, everyone else says its your multi billion bank balance, but no it couldn't be. She sees into your soul where echoes of the man you once were lies, she is the only one who still can or heck maybe she makes all those Viagra and hormone pills worth it. Who cares about the bank balance right?

He is disgusting! Coughs all the time and has skin like rumpled paper, his breath reeks of garlic pills and when he smiles you just want to pass out. He keeps talking about the war and you're not sure if its the one in Iraq or the one at Waterloo. He wants to do it all the time and it takes too long for the friggin Viagra to kick in and each time you pray that he doesnt slump on top of you for good before its time for the wedding. You hate it but you lie there and grit your teeth and think of that Birkin, or the holiday in St. Tropez or how your name would look carved above the words CEO, Moneybags Ltd, and then you smile and even manage to scream his name. At the end of the day we're all making sacrifices.

That's the Goldie and Moneybags we know and we hate it, she's disgusting, taking advantage of a poor old man because of his money. Gold digging has taken on a different shape today and everyone has a shovel, we're all just digging for different things.

I had a shovel too, though i must admit it didn't dig too deep, i wanted a man who fears God, not too shabby in the looks dept, loves me and blah blah blah. My shovel turned up quite a few but the truth is i found that sometimes the layers of dirt usually fell off and sometimes i ended up with something a few metres south of what i was looking for, with all those layers somehow i had missed it.

I guess when you turn 25 and have no man, boyfriend, fiance, husband, benefactor or otherwise the 'gurus' descend with words of wisdom: 'lower ur standards, Mcdreamy lives in Shonda Rhimes head in Seattle.' Maybe i should listen, they might have a point but i just love to be a non-conformist so guess what i do, i up my standards. Now dude has to be rich, yes i said it, dial 911! Before you crucify me and label me Anna Nicky Smith let me reach the end of my argument and i will do so by telling you a little story;

Irene was married before, she was young, rebellious and in love, so she dropped out of school and married the man of the moment, had 2 kids. The marriage fails and she finds herself alone, overweight, a single mother of 2 living with her parents. Then she gets a job, its not much but it comes with a self contained apartment. She moves, leaves the kids with her parents and then she meets Peter, within a couple months Peter practically lives with her and by the next year they're married. Business is good, she gets a better job, can afford to move to a 3 bed flat with the kids, she has another kid. Life keeps getting better. Peter doesn't have a 9-5, he's a 'businessman' He goes on long business trips and makes 'phantom futuristic money' They're living on Irene's money, its enough to get a nice SUV for the family in addition to the Honda they had, but suddenly Peter wants his own SUV for his 'business trips' So 'they' get him one and then 'they' buy a plot of land and start to build their dream home. Somehow along the line Irene loses her job, with 3 kids in school and bills coming in, things start to take their toll, Irene needs to start her own business so she decides they should mortgage their house, but oh wait Peter remembers he's sold their house for a fraction of the price they have invested in it a couple of months back and forgot to tell her and oh they have been living on the proceeds since then.

Moral of the story? Marry a rich man or at least be the Peter cos it'd suck to be Irene. At least that's what i took from it. You? So did i convince you yet? Are you about to send off a subscription for Forbes magazine?

The honest truth is that i do want to marry a rich man and when i say rich i do not necessarily mean Sultan of Brunei (though that wouldn't be half bad) I want a man that's rich in his pocket and rich in his heart because honestly one without the other is pointless in my opinion. There was a time i thought i could marry a guy who didn't have a house or a job and that i'd take care of us both and love would magically make everything okay, but those days are long gone. So i tell everyone who has one brother or friend or colleague that would be perfect for me to add 'rich' to that list and anyone who isn't fine with that can like to wear Speedo and dive into an Olympic size swimming pool.

I am strolling into my metaphorical market and picking up myself the biggest shovel they have there and i'm going digging because out there someone might be digging for a smart, pretty, successful, God-fearing woman and in the wise words of Dbanj his pocket had better be ENDOWED.

Monday, June 28, 2010

One small dose of randomness

I have no excuse and i know it, it's been ages!!! I blame Twitter o, thats why i didn't want to join in the first place, the evil thing has even wrecked my poor 2 year old phone.

I have finished exams but i'm working on a 15,000 word dissertation based on a phantom bill which i only hear about but have been unable to get my hands on. Please whose Daddy, sugar or otherwise, is a senator? I need the Anti-money Laundering bill currently before the house. Thank you in advance!

I am now at that uncomfortable place thats like being at the foot of a bridge and you cant see what's on the other side. Yep, masters officially wraps up in less than 2 months and i really dont know what's next. I have missed Nigeria and i want to go back but i have gotten used to life here, what will i do without lightning fast internet, streaming my TV shows? Oh Starbucks, Iceland- the land of quickie meals. And the 24hr electricty. Sigh, I want the best of both worlds. So i'm gambling, trying to set up something here or at home and whichever one comes through first, but i honestly dont know if i can commit to two more years in this country, especially when most of my friends are moving back. Hmn...I've decided to take one day as it comes, as they say 'man proposes...(woman says yes *very dry joke*)'

*clears throat* I know some pple are already sitting up now. After having a 2 year dry spell (i was so positive my ex had jazzed me or smth) people have been gifting me potential husbands left, right and centre. Everybody wants to hook me up with their friend or boyfriend's friend. Even my sister, gave some dude my number and said that was my birthday present, imagine! Na so e don bad reach? Apparently being single at 25 is the new pandemic that must be cured. My friend was like her Mom had a fit bcos she mentioned she might want to apply for a 2 year post study visa, the woman was like she had to come back to Nigeria and start looking for a husband bcos all her friends' kids who had stayed back were not married. I laughed till i cried, mothers! Like there is one shop in Lagos one can saunter into and pick a suitable groom off the shelves or even be lucky to find one on half price! Anyways, now i have some 'candidates' and i'm trying to keep an open mind, who knows abi?

This thing, the way it disappears ehn, i swear i dont understand. I want to marry a rich man o, for many reasons (infact thats the issue of my next post and i shall explain why)

Well thats all for now, i just wanted to remind y'all that i'm alive and in good health and will be back soon *cross my heart*

PS: who's on twitter? drop ur handle so i can stalk u there too :-)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Truth hurts me too...

Hello Blogfam!

You have no idea how much i missed you (yeah you!) There were so many days when i wanted to blog so much, so many times i just had to get my feelings out there and i couldn't. So in this moment i am thankful that i can take a couple of minutes and download everything i'm feeling and hopefully feel lighter.

My day didnt start so well and it was because i (felt i) had to do something, let someone know something that had been on my mind. Ok, it was my sister's birthday last week and when i called her to say happy birthday she casually mentioned that my 16 year old nephew had been collecting money from her to bribe invigilators at his school to let him cheat. I asked to speak to him and when i asked him what the money was for the silly child replied, "its to dub now" I swear my heart broke in that second. I gave him a sharp talk and told him to pray he's wealthy enough to pay his way through life. When i spoke to my sis i told her she shouldn't have given him the money, she said it was the way his school was and that she didnt want to pay for him to write WAEC more than once. I told her that it didnt work that way, in fact i was so upset i started crying and couldn't talk anymore so i told her i'd call her later.

For days that conversation haunted me, i come from a big family and it made me an overachiever because i felt i had to outdo all of them so they could be proud of me. It drove me to succeed and when i considered all that they had sacrificed to get me closer to my dreams i was determined to work harder. I always had the same dreams for my nieces and nephews especially this particular sister's kids. She married early and left their Dad when they were young, they lived in the family home for a while till she found her feet and remarried. Maybe because things were tough she tends to spoil them a bit, buy them all the latest gadgets and stuff. They grew up into very unambitious teens, comfortable with mediocrity and interested only in "keeping up with the Joneses" So hearing my nephew say that i felt so sad, i expected them to realize all the sacrifices their Mum made for them and work hard to show that they appreciated it but i also blamed my sister for spoiling them.

So yesterday i was talking to my friend about being broke, job hunting, marriage and stuff and i told her that i had been getting a clear message from God and maybe things weren't changing cos i hadn't listened. It reminded me of this saying "to whom much is given much is expected" God wont give you more if you're not responsible with what he has given you. I felt the same was true with my sister because she has been trying for another baby for a while now. So when i woke up this morning i sent her a text telling her that, my sis is almost 15 years older than i am and it was hard for me to send that message but even harder to keep it to myself. She replied and her reply was hard on me, i told her that i didn't send the text to be rude or self righteous or condemn her parenting but because i couldnt see something standing between her and her desires and not let her know. She said she wasn't annoyed but that it made her think and i just feel so bad. I'm not even sure i did the right thing anymore to be honest even though i felt i had to.

So today i realised something, the truth hurts but not just the person hearing it but also the person who has to say it. I love my sister and i dont want any rift between us cos she's the one i felt i could talk to about anything and i'm just scared our relationship has taken a bad hit.

What do you think???

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'M BACK!!!!

Hello good people, i have missed u all kinds of scatter. I swear i dont even know how to blog again, took me 3 tries to get my password right, that bad!

Exams went fine, thank God, i have done my part the rest is in His hands. My first paper was an eye opener, open book exams are not it at all. I was such a mess. For a 3hr 15 min exam to do 3 questions my first question took me over 1 hr 30 mins and i didnt finish it, i just realised i had to stop and focus on the other two so i moved on and at least finished those ones. At one point i had so many books and papers open that i couldn't find the question paper again. Chai, it was not funny. Anyways i learned my lesson and my next 2 papers were much better. In fact my exams went in this order Good- Better-Best. By the last one i was grinning like a Chesire cat and then i came to my room, caught up on all my tv shows and slept 14 hours straight. I'm only as free as a one winged bird though cos i still have dissertation to write and that one cant be but excellent, anything else wouldn't make sense. Cos its like setting a test for yourself and failing it. I'm writing on Money Laundering, a perspective on Nigeria mostly so if anyone has any tips for me, kindly usher them my way.

I know i have to do a proper update, a lot has happened. Infact i have plenty gist ranging from my text message marriage proposal (yes o! true story) to the crazy going ons in the library. I just wanted to let you all know that i'm back and that i missed you all and i'm going to try and catch up with everyone.

PS: Is anyone a Greys Anatomy fan? Did u watch the season finale? I was breathless the whole time and then i cried like two buckets, slept, woke up, remembered it and cried one more bucket. It was awesome sha, sad but awesome.

PPS: Pls forgive me if i shelled, exams have squeezed out every ounce of good grammar in me. I'm on the road to recovery.

See you soon!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Forced Hiatus!

Hi people, i know i have been MIA but its definitely not voluntary. I start exams in a month and the pile of workload i have to defeat is daunting. So this is just to say i am alive and well (in case u cared enough to wonder :-)) and to say that i will be back in full force by May ending.

See u soonest and wish me luck! I intend to dedicate my distinction to the good people of blogsville.

Friday, March 5, 2010


Hello peoples, its been a while abi? Men time runs like x2 in these zones, its like i blinked and the week is over, the days seem blurred into one huge mass. So much and yet so little has happened, you get? Its been like this:

School: Lectures are starting to wind up, last lecture is on the 25th of March. Been reading and yet i havent made a dent in my workload. As for my thesis, i dont even want to go there, since my last meeting with my supervisor like 3 weeks ago, i havent touched the thing. I plan to get into it tomorrow (have said this like a million times already) I just dont feel the pull to read and its bad, being on a scholarship means i have to work extra hard to prove to the scholarship board that they made the right decision and that i should be here. Plus i'm considering a PhD studentship so i need to get a distinction.

Money: I'm so broke!!! As in really really, maybe i havent made some wise spending choices in the past, scratch that, i havent made some wise spending choices and i know it. I wish i could be more disciplined as far as money is concerned but as much as i have tried in the past i just cant. Its not just about shopping (which i'm guilty of) but also there are times i just dont value money as i should. Like when i go "oh its just a pound" but when you do that like 10 times it isnt just a pound anymore, you get? So i have sent several SOSs home and i hope i get a bailout soon, if not.....*shudders* "FB yardsale"!!!

Love: Ah the tricky one! My love life has been non existent going on 2 years now, and for lack of a better word i feel "frisky" Pull ur minds out of the gutter people! I miss the intimacy of a hug, a cuddle, a shared smile heavy with meaning, a kiss! I miss having someone thats the one i can tell everything to, the one i want to tell everything to. Ok sappy moment over! My ex and i still talk, fight over stupid things mostly and i know we should be giving ourselves time to let go but we're not so...that's that. Plus i just found out that this nice guy i met just before i left, who seemed almost perfect, like if i had a list (which i dont) he ticked off almost every box, has a girlfriend. I dont know why i'm so bummed by this fact, i didnt expect him to hold out a year for me, we only saw once and spoke on the phone like 5 times but i feel so let down. Is it wrong that i'm secretly wishing he breaks up with this girl just as soon as i get back??? I'm a bad bad person right? She's probably just perfect for him . I mean they work together(i wouldnt want that though, on the up side it would be nice exchanging hot and heavy winks at work) they both went to Ivy League schools and thats all i know. So i'm sad! God, you know you have to give me a "perfect man" (read as perfect for Neo) so that i wont think of all the ones that got away. Amen.

Friends: My friends are awesome, they are supportive, they are they and they (seem to) love me flaws and all, so i'm grateful for friends, old and new. I'm also grateful for my blogsville friends. You guys sincerely have no idea how much it means to me, the fact that you take out the time to read my stuff and drop me a line or two. Thank you all so much

Family: I love my crazy dysfunctional family all twenty something of them brothers and sisters i have (yep, Dad is a chief! lol!) They annoy the crap out of me, they neglect me sometimes but one thing i know is that they all proud of me and that means so much to me. I'm grateful for each and every one of them.

Spirituality: I'm finding time to grow into the woman God wants me to be, it hasnt been easy but i'm reconnecting with my faith again and building myself up again. I spend more time in quiet reflection into the word and its like i see the same things in a different way. I'm a stronger person for it and knowing that just makes me smile. In this crazy world all we truly have is our faith.

So people thats it, my life as it is summed up in one page. Please excuse all typos, no time to edit. I have sworn off sleep till i get these 2 chapters staring at me off my plate.

Have a fab weekend.