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Friday, January 15, 2010

Love Cynic

Ok so i am strapped in front of my computer after giving myself a stern warning not to so much as look up till i have successfully updated my blog. I need to work on getting that PA seriously, the closest i've come is getting my friends to chat for me...hope they dont read this though. Meanwhile the subject of my last rant is still acting her one man drama. Updates on that later. To the matter at hand...love matters.

Lately i have become a cynic (i was always the realist though but i think i'm being pushed over the edge) especially when it comes to love. I have just become so disillusioned with it that i have decided i can do without it. Dont get me wrong o, i'm not about to dash off to the pound and pick myself up a litter of kittens. I'm not saying i want to be the spinster-aunty forever knitting horrible sweaters nobody likes. I'm just not holding out for the Derek-meredith-you-make-my-world-stop kinda love. I've since modified my standards. I'm looking for a friend, a companion. Even God realised Adam needed a companion, not some hot babe that mad him go ga-ga. Well he did have nothing to compare her to. So i want to meet a nice guy, we become friends and one day decide to take it to the next level, nip into the registry, sign the dotted lines, make 3 cute babies and live happily ever after. Who cares about butterflies in the stomach and "seeing into me" Dude better have a steady 9-5, be "lookable" for the sake of my CUTE children, fear God and not make me want to pull my hair out.

Now how did i get this way abi? I mean up till early this year i was still crying when watching Grey's Anatomy and Love Happens and all those "branding love" movies. Infact i blame the movie industry for driving me over the edge, where in the world am i going to find Mcdreamy unless i crawl into Shonda Rhimes' head and she spits me into an episode of GA? I mean the dude is deevine looking, has better hair than i do, he's a rich neurosurgeon that should look at me like i'm the only thing in the world. Infact i'm emotionally scarred now, i should sue!

Real life isnt any better, i havent been in a relationship in a year and i havent "met" anyone else. I've been content with trying to make myself a better person and "learning to love myself" (cliche i know) but the thing is in the midst of all this i'm getting notifications everyday A is married, B is engaged, C is in a realtionship, D batted her eyes at E and the like. For a moment i felt something like i wanted a part of that but when i sat down to ask myself what it was i wanted i realised that the images that popped into my head werent of me waking up beside my Adonis for the rest of my life, but rather they were of me designing THE DRESS with my good friend Vera Wang or strolling into Cartier to get my rock. I wanted to have a wedding the same way you sometimes feel like having a party, i wasnt thinking about a marriage. In lawyer speak i was looking to the form and not the substance, when the substance is everything. Some people get married and the next day i can almost picture them going "ok, what next?" There's no what next, that's it, that's the rest of your life and you'd better be damn sure it's one that you can live with.

I'll illustrate my point with several random cases.

Case 1
Boy and girl have been dating for years. Girls concludes masters abroad, boy comes over for graduation and proposes. Girl is already picking out wedding dresses. Boy visits Ex-girl while in London. Ex-girl's best friend tells Ex-girl to be careful cos Boy proposed to girl, Ex-girl says it's not true, Boy came to London just to see her.
Funfact: Boy used to beat ex-girl and apparently beats Girl. Me? surprised. Boy is my friend and seems like a really nice person.

Case 2
Boy chases reluctant girl. Girl gives in. Boy says i love you, Girl says i love you. Boys says ur my soulmate and God told me u'll be my wife. Girl is estatic, tells friends. Almost one year on, Boy calls Girl up, says I'm sorry, have met soulmate and the woman God wants me to marry and i love her. Girl is heartbroken, she trusted Boy. Tells me, should i wait for boy? let him know i'm here for him if he wants me back? Me? (want to smack her in head, u nuts?) Instead lovingly say No, you shouldn't, u'll meet better guy.

Case 3
Boy meets Girl. Boy nuts about Girl. Boy chases Girl for 2 years, with grand displays of love, one featuring yours truly. Girl is sad, wishes she loved Boy as much as Boy loves her, says there is no "spark" Me: Boy is nice, good guy, give Boy chance, might grow to love Boy. Girl agrees, dates Boy. Boy is perfect boyfriend. Months later Girl dumps Boy, still no "spark"

So tell me, why wont i be a cynic?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Familiarity breeds silly people - A Rant

Happy New year my people

If they had told me i would start the blogging year with a rant i would have said a vehement NO but here i am about to proceed on a rant that will be full of grammatical errors and typos i will not even bother to correct bcos i am just so....i cant find the word, i will use "full" like i'm about to burst.

Why are people so shortsighted that they cannot see beyond the tip of their nose? Why will people go and knock on the devil's door and say "Satan biko, pls let me be your instrument to derail Sister Neo from the path of her righteousness" Why why why? I swear the next time i hear a person say "it was the work of the devil" I will cast the first stone.

This was why i wanted to leave facebook in the first place, it is just an avenue for some pple to come and say rubbish to you in the name of "friendship"

Incident One
It all started with this guy in my school, we met through a forum for Nigerian students which i incidentally started (when i go learn abi?) Anyways we became "friends" on facebook. When i took my braids out, i just combed my hair out into a huge 'fro and my friend took a pic of me and i uploaded it as my profile pic, a lot of my friends teased me about it cos yes if i had gone out like that people would have given me concerned looks even in this anything-goes-London. So this my new "friend" now decided to comment on the pic. First he was like wow, Faze should have used u for his kolomental vid, at that point i woulda just laughed it off and replied that he wasnt serious or something. No o, that one no do am, the next second he followed his comment with another quip about him having an Uncle that works with NHS psychiatrics and would hook me up. I was like see me see wahala o, from where to where? My friend was like i should "defriend" him but i was like how would he learn so i nicely commented that we had not progressed to the next level of friendship that would give him the swipe card to making expensive jokes as to my sanity or lack thereof. He was immediately contrite and sent me a msg apologizing and also deleted his comments.

Incident Two
There is this blessed daughter of Christ (in my new resolve to speak only edifying words about people) we were in the same class in Uni. We were not chummy but at least we said hello and spoke when the need arose. Now her boyfriend who also went to Uni with us is in my PG class, so we roll in the same circles. This large circle decided to roll together to see a movie and have dinner last week. Long story short, the pics ended up on FB. There was a pic of him with another guy and his loving blessed girlfriend who is in Nig and missing her BF commented something like this:

BDC(Blessed...): Awww i almost forget wat its like to see u smile
Random person: ............C has a funny laugh
Neo: This C that laughs like Naruto?
BDC: Monkey no fine but im mama like am so...Neo u of all ppl should know that.

it's like, as in? Wetin come bring about that one? I saw the comment early this morning but i was like hmn, ok let me not blow a possibly innocent statement out of proportion. My friends who saw it were annoyed on my behalf and suggested i should ask her what that meant. In my New Year resolve to be the bigger person i replied,

"why should i of all people know, i have no "monkeys" in my closet"

I joked about it with my friends all day, only for me to sign in this evening and realize that she had commented on the pic again. Now it was

"@ Neo: i comment my reserve"

And i'm like ok, there's nothing innocent about this one again o. Wetin i do this babe abeg? I cant even say i am close enough to her BF for her to think i am putting the moves on him (that on its own is a laughable concept to me sef) and the boy really laughs like Naruto, i tell him anytime he laughs. So which one is she now taking panadol on top his headache, she for wait small make them put ring for im finger now.

The most absurd part of it is like soem other guy commented that she was there missing her man when he had been razzling jand babes and he had pics to prove it, the idiot, sorry blessed child could not attack that one o, all she said was "boys will be boys" Imagine that. I'm so riled up now that i want to slap somebody and i have never even slapped somebody before.

Anyways we learn everyday, if i had not been shinning my 31 teeth (my last molar has refused to come out o) with all these people would all this have happened? Ehn? So it is my fault that i am ranting on my blog on the first week of the new year about one inconsequential person.

So please forgive me my people, i hope to return in a better mood.

PS: i actually left FB on the 1st for a record breaking five minutes...lol. Apparently when u "leave", to come back all u have to do is sign back in. Now how does that help an "addict" like myself. Its like telling an alcoholic just to screw the cap on tightly. Hiss. Who can blame me?