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Friday, January 15, 2010

Love Cynic


Ok so i am strapped in front of my computer after giving myself a stern warning not to so much as look up till i have successfully updated my blog. I need to work on getting that PA seriously, the closest i've come is getting my friends to chat for me...hope they dont read this though. Meanwhile the subject of my last rant is still acting her one man drama. Updates on that later. To the matter at hand...love matters.

Lately i have become a cynic (i was always the realist though but i think i'm being pushed over the edge) especially when it comes to love. I have just become so disillusioned with it that i have decided i can do without it. Dont get me wrong o, i'm not about to dash off to the pound and pick myself up a litter of kittens. I'm not saying i want to be the spinster-aunty forever knitting horrible sweaters nobody likes. I'm just not holding out for the Derek-meredith-you-make-my-world-stop kinda love. I've since modified my standards. I'm looking for a friend, a companion. Even God realised Adam needed a companion, not some hot babe that mad him go ga-ga. Well he did have nothing to compare her to. So i want to meet a nice guy, we become friends and one day decide to take it to the next level, nip into the registry, sign the dotted lines, make 3 cute babies and live happily ever after. Who cares about butterflies in the stomach and "seeing into me" Dude better have a steady 9-5, be "lookable" for the sake of my CUTE children, fear God and not make me want to pull my hair out.

Now how did i get this way abi? I mean up till early this year i was still crying when watching Grey's Anatomy and Love Happens and all those "branding love" movies. Infact i blame the movie industry for driving me over the edge, where in the world am i going to find Mcdreamy unless i crawl into Shonda Rhimes' head and she spits me into an episode of GA? I mean the dude is deevine looking, has better hair than i do, he's a rich neurosurgeon that should look at me like i'm the only thing in the world. Infact i'm emotionally scarred now, i should sue!

Real life isnt any better, i havent been in a relationship in a year and i havent "met" anyone else. I've been content with trying to make myself a better person and "learning to love myself" (cliche i know) but the thing is in the midst of all this i'm getting notifications everyday A is married, B is engaged, C is in a realtionship, D batted her eyes at E and the like. For a moment i felt something like i wanted a part of that but when i sat down to ask myself what it was i wanted i realised that the images that popped into my head werent of me waking up beside my Adonis for the rest of my life, but rather they were of me designing THE DRESS with my good friend Vera Wang or strolling into Cartier to get my rock. I wanted to have a wedding the same way you sometimes feel like having a party, i wasnt thinking about a marriage. In lawyer speak i was looking to the form and not the substance, when the substance is everything. Some people get married and the next day i can almost picture them going "ok, what next?" There's no what next, that's it, that's the rest of your life and you'd better be damn sure it's one that you can live with.

I'll illustrate my point with several random cases.

Case 1
Boy and girl have been dating for years. Girls concludes masters abroad, boy comes over for graduation and proposes. Girl is already picking out wedding dresses. Boy visits Ex-girl while in London. Ex-girl's best friend tells Ex-girl to be careful cos Boy proposed to girl, Ex-girl says it's not true, Boy came to London just to see her.
Funfact: Boy used to beat ex-girl and apparently beats Girl. Me? surprised. Boy is my friend and seems like a really nice person.

Case 2
Boy chases reluctant girl. Girl gives in. Boy says i love you, Girl says i love you. Boys says ur my soulmate and God told me u'll be my wife. Girl is estatic, tells friends. Almost one year on, Boy calls Girl up, says I'm sorry, have met soulmate and the woman God wants me to marry and i love her. Girl is heartbroken, she trusted Boy. Tells me, should i wait for boy? let him know i'm here for him if he wants me back? Me? (want to smack her in head, u nuts?) Instead lovingly say No, you shouldn't, u'll meet better guy.

Case 3
Boy meets Girl. Boy nuts about Girl. Boy chases Girl for 2 years, with grand displays of love, one featuring yours truly. Girl is sad, wishes she loved Boy as much as Boy loves her, says there is no "spark" Me: Boy is nice, good guy, give Boy chance, might grow to love Boy. Girl agrees, dates Boy. Boy is perfect boyfriend. Months later Girl dumps Boy, still no "spark"

So tell me, why wont i be a cynic?

19 comments:

muyiwa said...

yeah just keep your head up,you will surely meet your perfect half this new year

Myne Whitman said...

I don't think you're a cynic after all, just a hopeless romantic. But be hopeful, all is not lost. You want a friend? How many new friends have you made recently? GA is all well and good but you can't go in Rhonda's head unfortunately, lol. Someone said you have to make 5 friends a week to meet your soulmate. Get to it and all the best. Just half-joking...

histreasure said...

with instances such as above, it's no surprise you are getting cynical..still, love still happens and i know u will experience the awesomeness of it and it will be even more exciting becos u will keep expecting it to fail but it won't..lol..
but seriously, babe, even tho u may not be able to state three instances of happy love around u right now, do not get disillusioned, it still happens..and ur Mcdreamy is not a mere dream..

C'mon believe..xoxo

Rene said...

i totally get you.
Love stinks

Sumptuous said...

My dear, this love matter is really dicey, there is no manual to the perfect man or assurance that you and BF will get married and stay married and love one another for the rest of ur lives. So as for me, I have stopped bothering, coz I believe what will be will be.

48 said...

Aww u can't give up on love. In my head, love is like every other goal that I'm striving for and it'll happen - one day. In the meantime, you gotta resist the overpowering urge to become jaded/cynical. Remember that other ppl's relationships hv nothing to do with you and aren't indicative of what yours will be like.

Neo said...

@ Muyiwa, im just letting go of all expectations and hoping for the best, thanks tho.
@ Myne, really? Me hopeless romantic? i'm going to rent Kill Bill tonite, no more GA
@ HT, ok I BELIEVE. hate the fact that i'm getting this way honestly.
@ Rene that sounds like a fun Tee :)
@ Sumptuos, so true, so true.
@ 48, i havent exactly given up on love, more like people that disappoint love. I jus hate the way ppl close to me have been hurt...

Helene said...

You know, I think sometimes when you're focusing on other things and not specifically looking for love, that's when it might happen. I don't know if you believe in fate or not but somehow you'll end up in the right place at the right time and you'll look up and HE will be there.

With that said, I was one of those people who got married and then said "ok, what's next?" That was my first marriage when I was in love with the idea of getting married. After our wedding, I remember going back to our apartment to pack up some stuff for our honeymoon, while he dropped his best man off at the airport. There I sat surrounded by all our wedding gifts and I cried. I knew it had been a big mistake but figured somehow things would get different. They never did and we ended up divorced 2 years later.

Tim, my 2nd husband, came into my life when I didn't expect him....I hated men and I couldn't see myself married again.

So you just never know!

Eknoreda said...

why do u sneak up into my head and type feelingssss???

kay9 said...

Funny cases u've got, gurl. Are u a cynic? Naa, u r just ok, in fact i kinda like your straight-shooting style.

U r ok, just relax - and go out more! I'm talking clubs and bars o; i mean places young people come just to relax or meet - like libraries or swimming pools. i dunno, do i sound out-dated?

Neo said...

@ helene, ok! fingers crossed!
@ eknoreda, great minds...or shld i say lonely minds...lmao!
@ Kay9 lol, no u do not sound outdated, true i prolly need to get out more but i'm such a homebody!

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Original Mgbeke said...

LOL @ E batted her eyes. That's hilarious. My dear o, don't be a love cynic sha...see me talking, ha! But on the real, I always say that it's good to keep an open mind. No biases that swing either way...

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JuaNita said...

Leme act as the all seeing wrinkled granny and tell ya, be patient, sumtyms the one pops up at odd places and times lol, maybe you haven't met "sparkie(the guy you meet and the heavens go hallelujah)" yet.
Nah,you're not a cynic now..

Ebony~!* said...

you actually sound romantic and not cynic! be easy o that special special someone will be chasing after you in due time

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Vivianne said...

I don't think you are a cynic at all. Just really smart! The form can be so deceiving and the substance without proper examination can also mislead.

Ignoring your intuition and also not knowing what you can and cannot compromise within yourself before getting married, can lead to a disaster. Believe me... I know firsthand! You are doing the right thing. Take your time and enjoy your life to the fullest.

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