Love Cynic

Ok so i am strapped in front of my computer after giving myself a stern warning not to so much as look up till i have successfully updated my blog. I need to work on getting that PA seriously, the closest i've come is getting my friends to chat for me...hope they dont read this though. Meanwhile the subject of my last rant is still acting her one man drama. Updates on that later. To the matter at hand...love matters.

Lately i have become a cynic (i was always the realist though but i think i'm being pushed over the edge) especially when it comes to love. I have just become so disillusioned with it that i have decided i can do without it. Dont get me wrong o, i'm not about to dash off to the pound and pick myself up a litter of kittens. I'm not saying i want to be the spinster-aunty forever knitting horrible sweaters nobody likes. I'm just not holding out for the Derek-meredith-you-make-my-world-stop kinda love. I've since modified my standards. I'm looking for a friend, a companion. Even God realised Adam needed a companion, not some hot babe that mad him go ga-ga. Well he did have nothing to compare her to. So i want to meet a nice guy, we become friends and one day decide to take it to the next level, nip into the registry, sign the dotted lines, make 3 cute babies and live happily ever after. Who cares about butterflies in the stomach and "seeing into me" Dude better have a steady 9-5, be "lookable" for the sake of my CUTE children, fear God and not make me want to pull my hair out.

Now how did i get this way abi? I mean up till early this year i was still crying when watching Grey's Anatomy and Love Happens and all those "branding love" movies. Infact i blame the movie industry for driving me over the edge, where in the world am i going to find Mcdreamy unless i crawl into Shonda Rhimes' head and she spits me into an episode of GA? I mean the dude is deevine looking, has better hair than i do, he's a rich neurosurgeon that should look at me like i'm the only thing in the world. Infact i'm emotionally scarred now, i should sue!

Real life isnt any better, i havent been in a relationship in a year and i havent "met" anyone else. I've been content with trying to make myself a better person and "learning to love myself" (cliche i know) but the thing is in the midst of all this i'm getting notifications everyday A is married, B is engaged, C is in a realtionship, D batted her eyes at E and the like. For a moment i felt something like i wanted a part of that but when i sat down to ask myself what it was i wanted i realised that the images that popped into my head werent of me waking up beside my Adonis for the rest of my life, but rather they were of me designing THE DRESS with my good friend Vera Wang or strolling into Cartier to get my rock. I wanted to have a wedding the same way you sometimes feel like having a party, i wasnt thinking about a marriage. In lawyer speak i was looking to the form and not the substance, when the substance is everything. Some people get married and the next day i can almost picture them going "ok, what next?" There's no what next, that's it, that's the rest of your life and you'd better be damn sure it's one that you can live with.

I'll illustrate my point with several random cases.

Case 1
Boy and girl have been dating for years. Girls concludes masters abroad, boy comes over for graduation and proposes. Girl is already picking out wedding dresses. Boy visits Ex-girl while in London. Ex-girl's best friend tells Ex-girl to be careful cos Boy proposed to girl, Ex-girl says it's not true, Boy came to London just to see her.
Funfact: Boy used to beat ex-girl and apparently beats Girl. Me? surprised. Boy is my friend and seems like a really nice person.

Case 2
Boy chases reluctant girl. Girl gives in. Boy says i love you, Girl says i love you. Boys says ur my soulmate and God told me u'll be my wife. Girl is estatic, tells friends. Almost one year on, Boy calls Girl up, says I'm sorry, have met soulmate and the woman God wants me to marry and i love her. Girl is heartbroken, she trusted Boy. Tells me, should i wait for boy? let him know i'm here for him if he wants me back? Me? (want to smack her in head, u nuts?) Instead lovingly say No, you shouldn't, u'll meet better guy.

Case 3
Boy meets Girl. Boy nuts about Girl. Boy chases Girl for 2 years, with grand displays of love, one featuring yours truly. Girl is sad, wishes she loved Boy as much as Boy loves her, says there is no "spark" Me: Boy is nice, good guy, give Boy chance, might grow to love Boy. Girl agrees, dates Boy. Boy is perfect boyfriend. Months later Girl dumps Boy, still no "spark"

So tell me, why wont i be a cynic?