The Truth hurts me too...

Hello Blogfam!

You have no idea how much i missed you (yeah you!) There were so many days when i wanted to blog so much, so many times i just had to get my feelings out there and i couldn't. So in this moment i am thankful that i can take a couple of minutes and download everything i'm feeling and hopefully feel lighter.

My day didnt start so well and it was because i (felt i) had to do something, let someone know something that had been on my mind. Ok, it was my sister's birthday last week and when i called her to say happy birthday she casually mentioned that my 16 year old nephew had been collecting money from her to bribe invigilators at his school to let him cheat. I asked to speak to him and when i asked him what the money was for the silly child replied, "its to dub now" I swear my heart broke in that second. I gave him a sharp talk and told him to pray he's wealthy enough to pay his way through life. When i spoke to my sis i told her she shouldn't have given him the money, she said it was the way his school was and that she didnt want to pay for him to write WAEC more than once. I told her that it didnt work that way, in fact i was so upset i started crying and couldn't talk anymore so i told her i'd call her later.

For days that conversation haunted me, i come from a big family and it made me an overachiever because i felt i had to outdo all of them so they could be proud of me. It drove me to succeed and when i considered all that they had sacrificed to get me closer to my dreams i was determined to work harder. I always had the same dreams for my nieces and nephews especially this particular sister's kids. She married early and left their Dad when they were young, they lived in the family home for a while till she found her feet and remarried. Maybe because things were tough she tends to spoil them a bit, buy them all the latest gadgets and stuff. They grew up into very unambitious teens, comfortable with mediocrity and interested only in "keeping up with the Joneses" So hearing my nephew say that i felt so sad, i expected them to realize all the sacrifices their Mum made for them and work hard to show that they appreciated it but i also blamed my sister for spoiling them.

So yesterday i was talking to my friend about being broke, job hunting, marriage and stuff and i told her that i had been getting a clear message from God and maybe things weren't changing cos i hadn't listened. It reminded me of this saying "to whom much is given much is expected" God wont give you more if you're not responsible with what he has given you. I felt the same was true with my sister because she has been trying for another baby for a while now. So when i woke up this morning i sent her a text telling her that, my sis is almost 15 years older than i am and it was hard for me to send that message but even harder to keep it to myself. She replied and her reply was hard on me, i told her that i didn't send the text to be rude or self righteous or condemn her parenting but because i couldnt see something standing between her and her desires and not let her know. She said she wasn't annoyed but that it made her think and i just feel so bad. I'm not even sure i did the right thing anymore to be honest even though i felt i had to.

So today i realised something, the truth hurts but not just the person hearing it but also the person who has to say it. I love my sister and i dont want any rift between us cos she's the one i felt i could talk to about anything and i'm just scared our relationship has taken a bad hit.

What do you think???