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Thursday, August 27, 2009

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH CHUKWUMA

Good people of Blogsville, I have two announcements to make. I have decided to start a blog for the fictional Dr. Vee. In true fashion it will be called Memoirs of a Reluctant Socialite, but I swear if she starts getting more attention than I do, I’ll murder that baby!!!

Okay back to the, okay wait o, I said two announcements but for the life of me I cannot remember what the second one was, it comes with having the attention span of a 2yr old! If I remember I will tell you. Now back to the issue for the day.

I have decided to tell you about my love affair with Chukwuma (hereinafter referred to as Chuks) Chuks and I started this love affair late last year, around December. You see my sister and her husband tried to hook me up with Chuks but they wanted supervisory rights and I just wasn’t ready for all that. Abeg, old mama like me? Anyways I couldn’t hold out for too long, so whenever we were alone Chuks and I would go out for a quick one. These clandestine trips were so intoxicating, a la sex alfresco but we both knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. We knew all the repercussions should we get caught. Besides Chuks was getting tired of being my little secret. He wanted us to come out and so I said ok but we have to make everything right. I must confess I did all the work o, spent all the money. Chuks wasn’t all that o! Still I didn’t complain I was happy to. I played by all the “rules” and by March Chuks and I debuted officially as an item!

This would be a safe point to tell you that Chuks is a 2001 Limited Edition Peugeot 306. Yes I agree, I am not well, I am not serious, I am mad and all the other stuff you are thinking, but there is no better way to describe my relationship with my car.



Chuks has been there for me o, he saved me from those Boko Haramists that are parading themselves as okada riders and slowly killing all the people foolish enough to embrace western education. He saved me from having “unofficial drivers” and for giving me road independence. He is my outlet and when its just me and Chuks against a thousand mile stretch of tar, I swear its pure bliss. He doesn’t even complain when I decide to take out my frustrations by riding him too hard. Like today just because I wasn’t in the mood for traffic I made him take this route that isn’t good for him, Chuks has been tryin to tell me for a while now that Bishop Aboyade Cole Street is not good for him. I knew that too (I mean I don’t know the descendants of Einstein that felt the best solution to the potholes on that road would be to scatter hundreds of boulders on the road) So today I ignored Chuks and the worst thing happened, a boulder got stuck under Chuks and actually pulled down one “thingy”. We had to stop and make sure Chuks was alright and somehow I managed to reattach the “thingy”, I feel so bad now because even at the time I was worried about my new Vera Wang’s and how they would do in that horrid topography! Now I have seen the error of my ways and feel so bad for treating Chuks so bad. He’s been through a lot this week. I mean it was just last Monday that one of those Boko Haramists knocked one side mirror off clean. Now the said side mirror is attached to Chuks by a flimsy shoelace!

So I love Chuks and I don’t mind that though he’s my first I wasn’t his first. Infact Chuks has had two lovers before me and infact early in our relationship he wasn’t entirely faithful. But Chuks knows I love him, when he was sick and the doctors diagnosed a battery failure, I stretched my measly corper salary to get him a new one. I even gave him a brighter dazzling smile and changed the gear knob when it broke. I lovingly bathed, shined and polished him whenever he needed. I need Chuks to know this because even though sometimes I abandon him at the slight chance to sit in the plushness Toyo-Ravy offers or even that one time I went out with Toyo-Highlandy (even though he’s such a snob) I will always love Chuks, even though my eyes roam and rest lasciviously on Hyundai Ellie or lately Hondy City.

Chuks has been very faithful to me and I will always love him because as they say you never truly forget your first.

PS: I have this friend that named her first car, a Kia Rio, Amy, so when we talked about it I said my car was more of a Chukwuma, very strong, dependable and will not give up on you which is more than I can say for the aje burra Amy!

9 comments:

Buttercup said...

1ssssssssst baby!

Buttercup said...

*does the creep walk*

Buttercup said...

I just had the feeling that there was more to this Chuks..mschew! Hmm riding him too hard, huh?{me and my naughty mind}.

iphyigbogurl said...

lol.....crase girl..so chuks na car????
see me looking for correct guy-gist....lol
i dey vex!! lol

Sumptuous said...

Lol @shoe string holding the side mirror, haba! Be careful o! but u got me all excited in d beginning, see ur head. And yes, anoda blog for Dr Vee would be appropriate.

Neo said...

nauti girls! pls o! i am a sister o!

Vee's blog is up and running o! url: http://moarsblog.blogspot.com.

Pls check it out.

Myne Whitman said...

Oh so you do wear designers too, hmmm...

Ms. 'dufa said...

LOL....I was expecting some juicy gist, so Chuks is a car after all!

rethots said...

Beautiful...