Broody

So i have finally found my voice, got my writing mojo back. Thanks to everyone who commented on my post, ur kind words really helped. I had to start playing crossword puzzles again in the hopes that words would start jumping out at me again (i cheated sha, used an online thesarus.lol. But i'm getting better)


On to the issue at hand, as you may have guessed from the blog title and picture i have been feeling very broody lately, i want to have a baby. As in seriously, i stare longingly at babies everyday, random babies in the street, on the bus, in the supermarket. I even smile and coo at them till their paranoid mothers hastily push their buggies away. I see babies everywhere and this is not helping matters at all. Sometimes i want to stand in the street and stomp my feet till someone pities me and hands me one. I wish it were that simple. I love babies and i have looked after so many babies in my life that i'm so surprised i even have enough love for my future babies. I was 8 when my first niece was born and i quickly relocated to my sister's house and displaced Mumc from her omugwo (Ibo peeps hope i got it right)By the time i was 9 i could change diapers and bathe a baby as young as 3 months, i could make the formula, feed and burp the baby and at a point i was the only one who could make my nephew sleep. By age 12 i had gained the title of favourite Aunty as i never ate my provisions in boarding school but took them back home for my batallion (This also gained me the title of stingiest Junior girl) By the time i was in university i had a total of 11 nieces and nephews, at a point my sister traveled on courses and left me to take care of her 4month old son. So now i blame all these children who made me fall in love with them and then grew up into young men and women that wont even hug me anymore (apparently its embarrassing)

Now i roam the streets lusting after strange babies in buggies, each time i walk into a store i even browse through the children's department and look through the clothes, mentally dressing up my little girl and her brother. I think how those shoes would look good on her and how i'd braid her hair and put those coloured beads in them and then seconds later i think i'm going gaga.

Today there was this woman on the bus with her daughter who was about 4 years old and they sat there opposite me and talked about their respective days. I couldnt help eavesdropping, Mother said she hates Mondays cos she's always so tired at the end of the day but Daughter loves Mondays cos she has PE at school. Then Daughter showed Mother the sticker she got at school for good behaviour and in that moment i swear i almost cried. There was this strong longing inside me and just then i wanted what they had, that bond, that easy and natural conversation. I know motherhood is not all pink roses and blue clouds, i waited in the hospital as my sister went through 2 days of labour, i've rocked babies to sleep at 2am at night when my body was screaming for sleep, i've worried about sick babies who looked so helpless and couldnt tell you what was wrong, i've also had my share of bratty babies and the mess they make but i still want it all. All of it, the whole experience cos that's part of what makes it so special and the bond so strong. To have a person that is literally a part of you, a person that you brought into the world and are responsible for, a person that would evoke the strongest feelings you would ever feel.



This feeling comes and goes mostly, i know i love children and cant wait to meet mine (9 months is long sha o) but sometimes, like now, its such a strong feeling. I also worry that i'll be one of those women that love their kids more than they love their husband or even worse those women who want a husband just so they can have kids but then i convince myself that i'd love my husband in a different way, i'd love him more because without him i wouldnt have such perfect kids but then i think again, what if armed robbers came to the house and said i should choose between my husband and kids. Of course i'd choose my husband, he loves us and that's what he'd want me to do. lol.
You probably think i'm nuts right, don't worry i think i'm nuts too. it's probably all the hormones from being broody.